“What? Like, it’s hard?” (Elle Woods, Legally Blonde, 2021)
Incidentally, my last life update was also around this time last year, right when I was about to enroll as a sophomore in law school. Singing One Direction’s hit now, “Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?” It only seems so yesterday when I was a freshman who was psyched about entering law school; now I’m in my third year, still having that burning passion inside me to become a lawyer, but I have to tell you, there have been many doubts along the way.
As someone who’s about to enter her third decade on earth less than a year from now, I cannot help but look at the past decade of my adult life. Two degrees, one certification, and two years in law school but I still feel that I haven’t accomplished much. There are days when I still feel left out and feel like I’ve been stuck in this bubble that I couldn’t get out of. I question my decisions, the timing, and everything else in between. I’m not sure if this is actually me having an existential crisis as I’m nearing the big 3-0, but I have to say that these thoughts aren’t pretty.
With God’s grace, I was able to pass all my subjects again, though the second semester was really challenging because we got re-blocked and I got separated from my “constant” law school buddies. Things got bearable though because the block that I got into was really warm and it was really easy to adjust. I also got appointed as the Features Section Editor of the Gazette and elected as the Vice President for Internal Affairs of the Law Student Council. You’d probably think that there’s so much going on my plate – full-time work, full-load units, student publication, student government. But trust me, these things keep me going. I would crave rest sometimes but I would just then want to go back in action. That’s probably my nature.
To be honest, though, it’s really tiring to be a working student. It’s hard to work all day and study all night. It’s frustrating to be on a “busy work day” and actually work while in class because I have a deadline to meet. It’s disappointing to memorize provisions and study your cases, only to not remember everything I’ve studied the night before. It’s heartbreaking to postpone an anniversary dinner with my boyfriend because I have an exam. It’s sad to just meet my friends once every five months because I can only meet them at the end of the semester. It’s upsetting to miss out on family gatherings because I have to study. I just thank God that He helps me to live one day at a time. Every day I feel like I’m barely surviving but surprisingly, I am able to make it out alive every single day. And for that, I am beyond grateful.
Long story short, it’s been an exhausting year. And the next school year will probably be a lot harder. I’m not sure if I’m ready, but I believe that you’re never too ready unless you try. So even though I’m full of anxiety right now, I would just say that I’m up for it and keep on reminding myself that this is the dream.
Is law school hard? Yes, and to say that it’s [just] hard is actually an understatement. It’s more than that. But it’s a story that I would love to tell once I reach the destination. May I always be reminded that this is not a race so that I would be able to allow myself to let things be if I need to rest.
Malayo pa, pero malayo na.