A Lighthouse from Above

Allow me to make this post as tribute to my grandmother who passed away last June 7, Friday.

Nagudungan Hill, Calayan Islands, Cagayan | Photo by Claudine Faylogna

Call me lucky. I was able to meet my grandmothers from both sides. I remember my Nang Tura and my Tang Choy, my dad’s parents, visiting our place almost every year when I was still young despite the four to six hours of boat ride and ten to twelve hours of bus run. It was more feasible for them to pay a visit in the Metro than having us leave school and work (for my parents back then) to go to our province in Calayan Islands, Cagayan since boat trip schedule isn’t regular. Trips depend on the wind and waves’ friendliness.

I was supposed to wait for the regular operations of the recently inaugurated airport so I can finally visit my parents’ hometown without any unexpected extension of stay. But I guess Nang Tura couldn’t wait for that anymore.

I was at the office when I read my Mom’s message at our family group chat. We immediately booked a bus ride going to Cagayan to catch the earliest boat trip we could hop into. While on our way, it still didn’t sink in to me yet. I just thought, Nang’s already old, and what happened is actually inevitable for all of us. But as I have seen the shoreline of North’s paradise, things were slowly settling in.

Last Christmas, she was with us, singing. Last New Year’s eve, she was with us, dancing. I just never thought that last Christmas and New year’s eve would actually be her last.

Upon reaching my Auntie’s house (which is just within my Dad’s family’s compound) where my Nang lies for her wake, I felt all the regrets a granddaughter could feel. I wish I had spent more time with her. I wish I had told her more stories. I wish I had made plans earlier to visit her in the province from time to time. But none of these wishes matter now, because they will now remain to be just wishes. Regrets, rather.

On another note, I am thankful that we got to spend her last Christmas and New Year’s eve together. I am glad that she was still able to meet Errol. I am happy that she was able to see us, her granddaughters, grow. I am just grateful that she was able to live a good and content life, and see how wonderful the world is for 76 years.

It’s been three weeks. And I swear that reality came into a hard hit when they opened her case during the final blessing, because I know that’s the last time that I’m ever gonna see her. But as I type this, I hear her laugh, and I imagine her smile. And although I’m never gonna hear that sound ever again, I suppose she’s doing well from the lighthouse, probably enjoying a cone of ice cream or a glass of iced tea — her favorites, looking over us as we wait to see her on the other side when the time comes.

We will miss you, Nang Tura. May you rest in the peace that you have always deserved.

Book Blurb: The Little Paris Bookshop (Nina George)

“Loving requires so much courage and so little expectation.”

From now on, I will be dedicating a blog post to selected books that made a great impact on me. I’ve chosen this book as a start since it’s been given by someone special and I’m really glad I’ve got the chance to ever read this book. This isn’t a review – I have my Goodreads for that. This is merely a reflection of how this book affected me.

First of all, it’s the first book I’ve ever read that has my first name among the characters. A character named Claudine existed here, and that made this book among my favorites for that plain reason (plus the fact that this was a gift from…).

The book didn’t excite me [in a good way]. The book didn’t want me to have it finished right away to jump to a new story. This made me savor every word, every page, and every chapter. For me, it’s so beautifully written that if I could prolong my time in reading it, I would.

The Little Paris Bookshop taught me about second chances. You have to let yourself heal. You have to forgive yourself and remind your heart that it can be happily in love once again after being devastated from something that it thought would last forever. The love that would come after forgiving yourself and after forgiving the circumstance would make you feel that you can be anything you want to be. For whatever reason, it’s going to be more amazing than ever. It’s going to bring out the best in you, and it’s going to be the most wonderful thing that has ever come into your life.

I don’t know what it is, but I feel a deep connection with this book… Maybe because it’s a gift from a man who made me believe in letting someone in again, or maybe because it’s something about Paris. This book got my heart, and I’m so glad this book found me.

My Goodreads Book Review:

The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

It’s a good book; however, it’s a good book for its ‘chosen readers’. The author’s style won’t work for every reader. It may be full of cliches, but for me, the way the author used books as metaphor for ‘medicine’ is brilliant in its pure sense. It’s heartbreaking, but the recovery in the end is a good way to make anyone who’s ever been broken that it’s always wonderful to experience love again. It teaches a lot about life and death and what love has to do with everything in between.

View all my reviews