Don’t Fall in Love with a Writer

Don’t fall in love with a writer, for she will break your heart in every possible way. She will reminisce about the past with such great vividness that she brings them to life once again. She will create monsters in her mind that will eat her up in her sleep, leaving even you a victim. She will write down every heartache and pain you never knew existed for everyone to read. She will describe you magnificently in her stories that it will blur the lines between fiction and reality. She will write poetry on your skin—perhaps even turn you into one. She will have sleepless nights contemplating every supposedly “harmless” word you told her until it drills a hole in her brain. She will twist them and will try to find meaning.

Writers are over thinkers and they will take everything to heart, changing her perception about herself. For words, her favorite weapon, will also be her greatest downfall. She will overflow with emotions and she will choke on the songs that she once sang. She will let herself crumple like paper—thin enough to cut through your skin—and will surround you with her vulnerability until it weighs you down with guilt. She will leave you even more clueless than the first time. Leaving trails of words that sting on your soul—words that she never meant fully but said recklessly. She will mark your heart like it is her territory, and every mark shall be painfully familiar, yet you will keep begging for another scar as if it was a way of ingraining a piece of her on you.

Don’t fall in love with a writer because she’s addictive and will have you begging for more, numb and aware of the pain that comes with loving her. She will paralyze you with her beauty and intelligence. She is the perfect storm that you will be willing enough to brave. But she is too powerful for her own good and she will leave you wondering where you could have possibly went wrong again, and again, and again.

But she chose a man like you because you are strong enough for a challenging a fragile girl like her. Pick her up and glue her pieces until she is whole again. Do not give up on a girl who will immortalize every detail of you, and turn you into a masterpiece that she will spectate upon every day of her life.

You are the moon, the sun, and every breath of constellation in her being. That is the girl you do not simply give up on, but that is also the kind of girl that is dangerous to fall in love with.



I was your art
You were my poetry
For awhile, we have to part
But I know this is just temporary.

Akala Ko

315_Heartbreak Bridge_Jackie

Ang sabi mo sa akin,
Kahit anong mangyari,

Naniwala ako.
Naniwala ako sa lahat ng mga sinabi mo,
Sa lahat ng mga pangako mo
Dahil alam kong hindi ikaw yung taong walang paninindigan.

Pero bakit bigla na lang?
Noong isang araw,
Buong buo ka pang akin.
Noong isang araw,
Hindi pa mapigilan ang iyong ngiti nang ako’y dumating.
Noong isang araw,
Hindi mo pa ako halos pakawalan sa pagkayakap mo sa akin.
Noong isang araw,
Ikaw pa mismo ang nagsabing,
“Balang araw,
Hindi na natin kailangang magpaalam pa.
Hindi na natin kailangang mahirapan pa
Dahil tayo’y magkakasama na
At hindi na mapaghihiwalay pa.”

Oo, naniwala ako sa’yo.
Naniwala ako sa lahat ng mga sinabi mo.
Binuksan ko ang buo kong pagkatao
Para makita mong wala ako sa’yong itinatago
At mapatunayan kong
Walang ibang nilalaman ang puso ko.

Ikaw yung unang nagsabing,
“Mahal kita.”
Pero bakit ikaw din ang unang nagsabi na
“Ayoko na?”
Gusto mo ba talagang laging nauuna?

Pero naniniwala pa rin ako sa’yo.
Sa lahat nang sinabi mo noon na hindi ka susuko.
Sa lahat nang sinabi mo na kakayanin natin kahit na ano.
Naniniwala ako
Na pagsubok lang ito.
Dahil ngayon pa ba?
Ngayon pa ba na ikaw at ako ay masasabi mo nang iisa?
Na sa dami ng pinagdaanan natin,
Andito pa rin ako at andito ka pa?

Pero wala ka na.
Wala ka na.
Akala ko panghahawakan mo yung mga sinabi mo,
Pero wala ka na.

Akala ko hindi ka lalayo,
Pero nagpaalam ka.
Akala ko matibay tayo,
Pero bumitaw ka.
Akala ko hindi mo ako pakakawalan,
Pero tumigil ka.
Tumigil kang lumaban.
Tumigil kang ipaglaban ako
Na akala ko gagawin mo hanggang sa dulo.

Akala ko kakayanin natin,
Pero hindi pala.
Kahit sinabi kong maghihintay ako,
Kahit sinabi kong gagawin ko ang lahat at andito lang ako sa tabi mo,
Anong magagawa ko kung sinabi mong
Ayaw mo na?
Sobrang sakit nung sinabi mong,
“Ayoko na.”

Akala ko kasi kaya pa.
Akala ko kasi hindi ka susuko.
Akala ko lang pala ang lahat.

Pero hindi kita masisisi.
Hindi ko masisisi dahil lahat sa paligid nilalayo ka sa akin,
At nilalayo ako sa’yo.
Buong mundo ay ayaw kang maging sa akin,
At ayaw akong maging sa’yo.
Lahat ng pagkakataon,
inilalayo ka sa akin,
at inilalayo ako sa’yo.
Ang bigat.
Ang bigat na mahal mo ako at mahal kita,
Pero hindi sapat ang pagmamahal na iyon
Para hanggang sa huli ay tayo pa ring dalawa.
Ang bigat na kailangan mong mamili,
Ako o ang kinabukasan mo,
At hindi ako ang dapat mong piliin
Dahil hindi pwede.
Hindi pwede sa ngayon.
At baka hindi na rin pwede bukas.

Pero sinubukan natin,
At kinaya natin.
Kinaya natin ng matagal na panahon.
Pero baka napagod ka na.
Napagod ka na dahil wala talagang kasiguraduhan sa ating dalawa.
Na kapag pinili natin ang isa’t isa,
May mga bagay na kailangan nating bitawan,
Pero sa ngayon,
Ang pinaka-tamang gawin
Ay bitawan ang isa’t isa.

Nasanay ako na andito ka palagi sa tabi ko,
Nasanay ako na sa’yo ako tumatakbo pag umiiyak ako,
Hindi yung ikaw ang iiyakan ko,
Nasanay ako.

Masakit nang sinabi mong,
“Ayoko na,”
Pero mas masakit nung sinabi mong sumunod na
“Nandito pa rin ako.”
Mas masakit nung sinabi mong,
“Sana maintindihan mo.”
Mas masakit nung sinabi mong,
“Ingat ka,”
Pero wala nang kasunod na
“Mahal kita.”
Mas masakit nung sinabi kong,
“Handa akong maghintay,”
Pero sumagot kang,
“Hindi natin alam kung anong pwedeng mangyari bukas.”

Akala ko kakayanin mo,
Akala ko kakayanin natin.
Akala ko lang pala ang lahat.
Akala ko lang.


/*Photo from Google Images*/



She just wanted to think for herself,
To act like herself,
To be her real self…

But she was never allowed to.

Her neck was held
So tight she can’t breathe,
She can’t live.

She just exists.


Candid shot by CELINE

She was the ocean that refused to be crossed,
The mountain that refused to be climbed,
The rose that refused to be held.