Sky, Holding, Fall

An Open Letter to My Moving On Self

Hello there Little Miss Poet,

Oh yes. I know you make poems out of everything you feel, may it be joy, pain, sorrow or triumph – I know because they’re written all over the pages of every notebook I saw on your closet the other day while fixing your things. And as deep as I have known you, I know you’ve immortalized many people through your poems. And you know what? Those people are lucky. They’re so lucky to be living forever through your masterpiece.

But I’m not going to talk about your poetry now. Let your works do it because they can actually talk for themselves. Let’s talk about you, and what you’re currently going through.

I know it’s hard. I know you’ve already felt heartaches before, but I, too, know very well that what you’re feeling right now is one of the most painful feelings you’ve ever had. But hey, life goes on, my dear. But okay, let’s talk about it if it will make you feel better.

Hey, stop. Stop enumerating the beautiful moments you’ve had with him. Stop reminiscing how he held your hands, especially the very first time. Stop remembering how he stole a kiss on your cheek out of pure joy that he finally can call you his. Stop recalling the time he wiped the tears out of your eyes. Stop counting in the flashbacks of the moments that you’ve laughed and smiled with him. Stop considering how he made a personal dreamcatcher for you, how he drew your portrait as a gift for your birthday, and how he surprised you with your favorite things. Stop thinking about how it felt when he hugged you, and how your world stopped when his lips were passionately on yours. Stop inhaling the view of how happy you were and how you both didn’t care about the world because you were both truly, madly, and deeply in love with each other.

Yes, I understand. I understand and I could attest that the love was true. A connection like that couldn’t just be nothing. It couldn’t just be an ordinary love. I know that it wasn’t. I know that it was something that you could be proud of how genuine and intense it was.

But you, too, have to understand that people, things, and feelings change. And he has come to that point. So if you’d still keep an eye on those wonderful memories, you won’t be able to move forward.

There. There you go. Good job.

Remember all those petty fights where you had to say sorry even if it was not your fault just because you wanted to save the relationship. Those times when you had to compromise things because he had other priorities to attend to. Those moments when you asked him to do something for you and he said no just because he chickened out.

I’m not telling you to hate him, but I believe this is the first step. Remember how he lied to you. How he made up stories just so he could put up a nice image before leaving. Remember how painful it felt when you discovered that the real reason is another woman. Remember how you weren’t able to eat because you were still trying to fix things while unknown to you, he was already taking another girl out. Remember how you slapped his face when you confronted him. Remember how you even hugged him because you just loved him so much that you felt guilty of slapping him because he lied to you.

And remember how he pushed you away when you hugged him tight. Remember how he told you to leave his house, leave his life, and leave him alone. Remember how he cursed on the last text messages he sent you. Remember how he played guilt-tripping but clearly said that he’s not in love with you anymore. Remember what you’ve sacrificed and given up for him but he still chose to hurt you.

Yes, definitely. You don’t deserve that! You don’t deserve to be lied to. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. You don’t deserve to feel guilty just because you slapped the face of someone who gave up on you. You don’t deserve to be pushed away. You don’t deserve to be told to leave. You don’t deserve to be cursed. You don’t deserve to feel guilty because you never wanted to hurt him.

Yes, you don’t deserve him.

Yes, you deserve someone better. Oops! No, you deserve the best. You deserve someone who will support your fascination over Harry Potter and obsession over coffee, books, and poetry. You deserve someone who’ll take your weirdness in music for being a fan of classics and punk rock at the same time. Someone who’ll be willing to take an era back because you like love letters and serenades. Someone who won’t get intimidated by your ambitious dreams and life goals. Someone who’ll accept you for who you are wholeheartedly. Someone who’ll stick with you no matter how complicated you are, and no matter how hard the situation is. You deserve someone who’ll be willing to take an extra mile and someone who’ll never give up on you. You deserve someone who’ll stay even when you don’t ask him to. And most of all, you deserve someone who’ll look at you as if you’re God’s greatest gift to him.

You’ve done more than enough. You have already admitted that you’re not perfect, but I saw how much you tried to be the best for him. I saw how much you tried to make him happy, especially during those times when he was feeling down. I saw how much you made him feel loved with every kiss and every hug. Let things end there. Let the good memories remain as memories and let the bad ones fly as the feelings die.

You’re doing good, my dear. Just keep going. In no time, you’ll get healed, and you’ll be ready to love again. Yes, I know you’ve put your guards up once more, higher than before. But don’t worry. In God’s perfect time, someone who’s worth it will come, and he’ll be willing to take them down, and will never let you put them up again. Ever.

So smile because the best is yet to come! Focus on yourself and be the best that you can be. Surround yourself with people who love to see you happy. Cheer up! You’re awesome. 😉

Paalam

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Umasa ako na maaari pang ayusin,
Dahil sabi mo, ika’y nariyan pa rin;
Ngunit nang ako’y mapuwing,
Ang katotohana’y lumabas din.

Ang sabi mo’y hindi pa panahon,
Pwedeng bukas tayo umahon,
Pwedeng makita ang araw pagtapos ng ambon,
Pwedeng kayaning malagpasan ang alon.

Ngunit walang katotohanan ang iyong mga sinabi,
Dahil ang totoo’y iba na bigla ang iyong katabi;
Ang mga halik mo’y para na sa ibang labi,
At hindi na para sa akin ang iyong mga ngiti.

Tunay ngang lalabas ang katotohanan,
Tatapakan ang lahat ng mga kasinungalingan;
Kaya ngayon, ako ay iyong hayaan,
Sapagkat nakuha ko na ang aking kalayaan.

Malaya na ako sa ginawa mong kwento,
Na hanggang sa huli’y inisip mo pa rin ang ikabubuti ko;
Malaya na ako sa isang katulad mo,
Na sinayang lamang ang tiwalang ibinigay ko.

Malaya na ako sa pagpapakatanga,
Malaya na ako sa kakarampot na pag-asa;
Hindi na rin ako magpapakalugmok pa,
Dahil hindi ka karapat-dapat sa aking mga luha.

Aanhin ko ang isang taong bumigay,
Sa tuksong sumisira ng lahat ng bagay;
Kaya ngayon, ako man sa’yo ay nasanay,
Ramdam kong di na kita kailangan sa aking buhay.

Paalam sa iyo, at salamat sa lahat,
Sa pagmamahal, na para sa iyo’y hindi naging sapat,
Sa pinagsamahang tamis, pait at alat,
Tandaan mo, inibig kita ng tapat.

Ngunit kung para sa iyo’y madali lang itong itapon,
Talikuran, ipalit sa iba ang kahapon,
Marahil ito na nga ang panahon,
Ang katapusan ng ating ngayon.

Photo from Google

Don’t Fall in Love with a Writer

Don’t fall in love with a writer, for she will break your heart in every possible way. She will reminisce about the past with such great vividness that she brings them to life once again. She will create monsters in her mind that will eat her up in her sleep, leaving even you a victim. She will write down every heartache and pain you never knew existed for everyone to read. She will describe you magnificently in her stories that it will blur the lines between fiction and reality. She will write poetry on your skin—perhaps even turn you into one. She will have sleepless nights contemplating every supposedly “harmless” word you told her until it drills a hole in her brain. She will twist them and will try to find meaning.

Writers are over thinkers and they will take everything to heart, changing her perception about herself. For words, her favorite weapon, will also be her greatest downfall. She will overflow with emotions and she will choke on the songs that she once sang. She will let herself crumple like paper—thin enough to cut through your skin—and will surround you with her vulnerability until it weighs you down with guilt. She will leave you even more clueless than the first time. Leaving trails of words that sting on your soul—words that she never meant fully but said recklessly. She will mark your heart like it is her territory, and every mark shall be painfully familiar, yet you will keep begging for another scar as if it was a way of ingraining a piece of her on you.

Don’t fall in love with a writer because she’s addictive and will have you begging for more, numb and aware of the pain that comes with loving her. She will paralyze you with her beauty and intelligence. She is the perfect storm that you will be willing enough to brave. But she is too powerful for her own good and she will leave you wondering where you could have possibly went wrong again, and again, and again.

But she chose a man like you because you are strong enough for a challenging a fragile girl like her. Pick her up and glue her pieces until she is whole again. Do not give up on a girl who will immortalize every detail of you, and turn you into a masterpiece that she will spectate upon every day of her life.

You are the moon, the sun, and every breath of constellation in her being. That is the girl you do not simply give up on, but that is also the kind of girl that is dangerous to fall in love with.

(http://www.candymag.com/candy-feels/from-our-readers-don-t-fall-in-love-with-a-writer-src-ugc)

Please Do Not Forget

The way you looked at me
The first time we stared
Into each other’s eyes,
Please do not forget;

The way you asked how I was
and what my plans are,
Please do not forget;

The way you tried to spill lines
To make me laugh
And to keep the conversation going,
Please do not forget;

The way you took me out
For the first time,
Riding Ferris wheels
And eating burgers,
Please do not forget;

The way you smiled
On the very first photo we’ve ever had,
Please do not forget;

The way you held my hand
And how you crossed your fingers with mine,
Please do not forget;

The way you told me you love me
And kissed me on the cheek
To say good night,
Please do not forget;

The way you wrapped your arms around me
And hugged me from the back,
Please do not forget;

The way you say good morning
Every single day
And how you tell me
To take care,
Please do not forget;

The way you asked me
To stay,
They way you told me
You’ll never leave,
Please do not forget;

The way we promised
That we will be strong
And that we’ll make it
Until the end,
Please do not forget;

The way you make me feel loved
With every whisper
And every kiss,
Please do not forget;

The way you said sorry
And the way you said it’s fine
When I’m at fault,
Please do not forget;

The way we were,
The way we are,
The way we will be,
Please do not forget.