I was about to write a Randomly Today post when I came across this October 2017 draft. I believe I was in one of my lowest points during this moment, about two years ago. It says:
Right now, I should be working on my powerpoint presentation for the workshop that I’ll be facilitating tomorrow about presentation skills. I’m not really sure if I’m the right person to discuss this over business unit finance heads and staff, but I’d like to believe that I had been given this task because I can do it. As much as I’d like to focus in doing what I am supposed to do, I just can’t put my mind on it.
For months, I’ve been juggling my day job, some freelance projects in Upwork, postgrad studies, and youth leader duties for our church community. It hasn’t been easy, but despite my battle with the state of my mental health, I was, and still am, able to pull through with it.
Truth to be told, however, things don’t always go the way you want them to. I’m not sure if this is quarter life crisis, but I actually feel like it is.
As you can see, the 24-year-old me was in her confused state. I also remember that this was the time when I decided that it’s time to quit my job and seek growth and peace in a new place.
Looking back, being in this crisis really tested my patience, control, understanding, and everything physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Was I able to conquer it? I think I did. Right now, even though I’m still visited by random thoughts of sadness and confusion, I am happy to say that I am already well and sound to handle them. Maybe I already got through that phase, or maybe I have already learned the art of dealing with this phase. Either way, the 26-year-old me has learned to find joy in the simplest things and to appreciate my own clock.
Maybe two years ago, I was insecure and pitied myself that my contemporaries have already reached significant milestones in their careers or have gone to places while I still didn’t have the chance to. But they are right. We don’t have to compare. Little by little, I have embraced my situation, and things gradually fell into place. I smile as I re-read the title of this post which was written on that one sad day of October 2017.
When things just don’t fall into place, just let them. Let life get messy. Let your world collide. Allow yourself to experience confusion and pain and sadness. Let yourself find you. Don’t rush. Enjoy the journey. 🙂