When things just don’t fall into place

I was about to write a Randomly Today post when I came across this October 2017 draft. I believe I was in one of my lowest points during this moment, about two years ago. It says:

Right now, I should be working on my powerpoint presentation for the workshop that I’ll be facilitating tomorrow about presentation skills. I’m not really sure if I’m the right person to discuss this over business unit finance heads and staff, but I’d like to believe that I had been given this task because I can do it. As much as I’d like to focus in doing what I am supposed to do, I just can’t put my mind on it.
For months, I’ve been juggling my day job, some freelance projects in Upwork, postgrad studies, and youth leader duties for our church community. It hasn’t been easy, but despite my battle with the state of my mental health, I was, and still am, able to pull through with it.
Truth to be told, however, things don’t always go the way you want them to. I’m not sure if this is quarter life crisis, but I actually feel like it is.

 

As you can see, the 24-year-old me was in her confused state. I also remember that this was the time when I decided that it’s time to quit my job and seek growth and peace in a new place.

Looking back, being in this crisis really tested my patience, control, understanding, and everything physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Was I able to conquer it? I think I did. Right now, even though I’m still visited by random thoughts of sadness and confusion, I am happy to say that I am already well and sound to handle them. Maybe I already got through that phase, or maybe I have already learned the art of dealing with this phase. Either way, the 26-year-old me has learned to find joy in the simplest things and to appreciate my own clock.

Maybe two years ago, I was insecure and pitied myself that my contemporaries have already reached significant milestones in their careers or have gone to places while I still didn’t have the chance to. But they are right. We don’t have to compare. Little by little, I have embraced my situation, and things gradually fell into place. I smile as I re-read the title of this post which was written on that one sad day of October 2017.

When things just don’t fall into place, just let them. Let life get messy. Let your world collide. Allow yourself to experience confusion and pain and sadnessLet yourself find you. Don’t rush. Enjoy the journey. 🙂

2017 Randomly Today Vol. 2

I’ve been going through something lately, and this little release might help me cope with things, so here I am.

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Bye 100 Happy Things

First of all, this isn’t me making an excuse. This isn’t me saying that I lack more happy things to complete this project. This is me saying that the happiest things in life are those you cannot post.

While doing this project, I have realized that a lot of the things that made me happy over the past few months are better kept with me, myself, I and the special people involved. Not that these things aren’t worth sharing, because really, I can shout them all to the world. It’s just that there are things that you would just want to keep private because at some point, you would want to be a little selfish and savor the true happiness that you’re feeling.

Yes, I am officially cutting the #100HappyThingsProject. I could list more than a hundred right now, but I’d rather leave them just like that.

And you know what I’ve learned while doing this? That there are just few people who really matter to you. There are just few people who you would really want to share the wonderful happenings of your life with, and there are actually times that you would just want to keep it to yourself because it feels more genuine that way.

I did this project to bring back the old me after being lost for some time. Now, I know I’ve found myself again; not the same, but better. And I guess that’s the most important part. 😉

23rd

I’m really not in the mood to tell much stories right now, but hey, I turned 23 yesterday and I need to make an obligatory birthday post so here I am, squeezing in a quick and short one. 🙂

My Facebook timeline doesn’t allow wall posts aside from my own (set it that way, haha). I guess this made me realize who will really take time to send a message and greet you, or leave comments on your random posts just to make you feel they remembered you on your special day. Everything’s too publicized nowadays and people seem to show they care for the sake showing off and not for the sake of caring. I think closing my timeline for wall posts by others made me see those who really make even just a quick time to greet you.

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This was what surprised me when I got home. My younger sisters do this every year since around three years ago, in different parts of the house. I hope they never get tired of doing this because I will always look forward to this cute and sweet surprise.

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Yum, yum, yum! I received too much sweets yesterday! My officemates in Inquirer ordered a cake for me to blow yesterday afternoon. At home, we had a simple dinner with my family plus Nang and Tang (mom’s side) and I’ve had two more cakes (Chocolate Caramel and Chocolate Cheesecake) and my forever favorite, Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese. Here’s to a sweeter life ahead after 23 years! 🙂

My Mom also bought me a new dress but I’d rather not take a photo of it now so I can put up an #OOTD some time soon. 😉

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And… Here’s the special gift given by my Man. He knows how much I love writing and I have obsession with notebooks (whether I’m going to use them or not, haha) so here’s a vintage-type notebook that I just can’t help but fall in love with. He, too, is not fond of writing (generally) because of his [self-proclaimed] bad handwriting, but because he knows I love writing [and reading] letters, he wrote one for me (for the first time!!!) – and that’s highly appreciated, Babs.

You see, when you’re getting older (yay), you feel more appreciative of the thoughtfulness of the people around you rather than what you get materially (well, that’s for me). It’s pretty amazing how time seems to fly so fast when you try to look back.

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Thank you, Lord, for the 23 years of being beyond blessed and more than loved. I may have random rants and complaints sometimes, but as I come to think of it, I wouldn’t have my life in any other way! 🙂

 

P.S. I said I’m not in the mood to tell stories… But look. HAHA.