A Lighthouse from Above

Allow me to make this post as tribute to my grandmother who passed away last June 7, Friday.
Lighthouse - Nagudungan Hill
Nagudungan Hill, Calayan Islands, Cagayan | Photo by Claudine Faylogna

Call me lucky. I was able to meet my grandmothers from both sides. I remember my Nang Tura and my Tang Choy, my dad’s parents, visiting our place almost every year when I was still young despite the four to six hours of boat ride and ten to twelve hours of bus run. It was more feasible for them to pay a visit in the Metro than having us leave school and work (for my parents back then) to go to our province in Calayan Islands, Cagayan since boat trip schedule isn’t regular. Trips depend on the wind and waves’ friendliness.

I was supposed to wait for the regular operations of the recently inaugurated airport so I can finally visit my parents’ hometown without any unexpected extension of stay. But I guess Nang Tura couldn’t wait for that anymore.

I was at the office when I read my Mom’s message at our family group chat. We immediately booked a bus ride going to Cagayan to catch the earliest boat trip we could hop into. While on our way, it still didn’t sink in to me yet. I just thought, Nang’s already old, and what happened is actually inevitable for all of us. But as I have seen the shoreline of North’s paradise, things were slowly settling in.

Last Christmas, she was with us, singing. Last New Year’s eve, she was with us, dancing. I just never thought that last Christmas and New year’s eve would actually be her last.

Upon reaching my Auntie’s house (which is just within my Dad’s family’s compound) where my Nang lies for her wake, I felt all the regrets a granddaughter could feel. I wish I had spent more time with her. I wish I had told her more stories. I wish I had made plans earlier to visit her in the province from time to time. But none of these wishes matter now, because they will now remain to be just wishes. Regrets, rather.

On another note, I am thankful that we got to spend her last Christmas and New Year’s eve together. I am glad that she was still able to meet Errol. I am happy that she was able to see us, her granddaughters, grow. I am just grateful that she was able to live a good and content life, and see how wonderful the world is for 76 years.

It’s been three weeks. And I swear that reality came into a hard hit when they opened her case during the final blessing, because I know that’s the last time that I’m ever gonna see her. But as I type this, I hear her laugh, and I imagine her smile. And although I’m never gonna hear that sound ever again, I suppose she’s doing well from the lighthouse, probably enjoying a cone of ice cream or a glass of iced tea — her favorites, looking over us as we wait to see her on the other side when the time comes.

We will miss you, Nang Tura. May you rest in the peace that you have always deserved.

A Year from the Possible “Impossible Dream”

This afternoon, my boyfriend and I were talking about this part-time job I’m interested in taking. I see it as an opportunity for growth, considering that I am planning a career that deals with facing a lot of people. I said that if I engage in this part-time job now, I would have a readily available fallback in case it would already be necessary for me to drop my full time job for law school, let’s say, when I’m already preparing for the bar exam.

Everything was so easy to say but then it suddenly hit me when he asked, “Kaya mo ba pagsabayin yan lahat? Work, school, part-time?” (Can you handle everything simultaneously?)

I remembered my Mom juggling full time work as a high school teacher, part-time college professor in two universities, and studying her masters degree full time while still being a mom and a wife. So I said, if she can, then I can, too.

It brought me to googling articles and forums that talked about law school and working full time, eventually leading me to this blog post: A Full-Time Working, Full-Load Law Student.

Now I say that I am finally ready to face everything. I am now ready to sacrifice time and money for this lifelong dream. If others can, why can’t I?

This probably means less travels, compromise in relationships and social life, ultimate maximization of resources and exceptional time management and prioritization skills. Imagining the demands of full and part time work plus how law school can be such a jealous paramour, it would probably cost me a lot. But like it’s been said many times, in the end, it will all be worth it.

I will probably let go of promotions that may come along the way, because higher post means more responsibilities, and I can’t afford that while studying for my Juris Doctor degree. But for the sake of the A-T-T-Y before my name after a few years of risk and sacrifice, I will take the courage of saying “No.”

Next year, hopefully, I’m already getting myself ready for this chapter – a whole new challenge to overcome. For now, I think I should probably take all the sleeps that I can get and load all the Netflix shows that I can binge watch. It won’t be too long until I become a zombie.

When things just don’t fall into place

I was about to write a Randomly Today post when I came across this October 2017 draft. I believe I was in one of my lowest points during this moment, about two years ago. It says:

Right now, I should be working on my powerpoint presentation for the workshop that I’ll be facilitating tomorrow about presentation skills. I’m not really sure if I’m the right person to discuss this over business unit finance heads and staff, but I’d like to believe that I had been given this task because I can do it. As much as I’d like to focus in doing what I am supposed to do, I just can’t put my mind on it.
For months, I’ve been juggling my day job, some freelance projects in Upwork, postgrad studies, and youth leader duties for our church community. It hasn’t been easy, but despite my battle with the state of my mental health, I was, and still am, able to pull through with it.
Truth to be told, however, things don’t always go the way you want them to. I’m not sure if this is quarter life crisis, but I actually feel like it is.


As you can see, the 24-year-old me was in her confused state. I also remember that this was the time when I decided that it’s time to quit my job and seek growth and peace in a new place.

Looking back, being in this crisis really tested my patience, control, understanding, and everything physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Was I able to conquer it? I think I did. Right now, even though I’m still visited by random thoughts of sadness and confusion, I am happy to say that I am already well and sound to handle them. Maybe I already got through that phase, or maybe I have already learned the art of dealing with this phase. Either way, the 26-year-old me has learned to find joy in the simplest things and to appreciate my own clock.

Maybe two years ago, I was insecure and pitied myself that my contemporaries have already reached significant milestones in their careers or have gone to places while I still didn’t have the chance to. But they are right. We don’t have to compare. Little by little, I have embraced my situation, and things gradually fell into place. I smile as I re-read the title of this post which was written on that one sad day of October 2017.

When things just don’t fall into place, just let them. Let life get messy. Let your world collide. Allow yourself to experience confusion and pain and sadnessLet yourself find you. Don’t rush. Enjoy the journey. 🙂

2019 Randomly Today Vol. 1

Apparently, I haven’t written any post for the Randomly Today series for 2018, so I guess this serves as a reset of wanting to update what I’ve been into lately.


this post! I came across a blog that made me feel like it’s time to have another entry under this tag. The last time I wrote one was 2017.


to the sound of the air-conditioner and random voices sharing stories, although I’ve been LSSed to Game of Thrones intro since last night. The final episode aired yesterday and my heart is still on a high knowing that one of the greatest series I’ve ever watched has already ended. Special thanks to my boyfriend for introducing this series to me! I claim to be a late bloomer, because I haven’t binge-watched all the previous episodes until 2016!


about my Law School dream. I’m officially done with second year in my Postgraduate Diploma in Computer Science. I still have three subjects to deal with on my third year before I could write PGD after my name.

I initially planned on taking Masters of Development Communication and Doctor of Communication afterwards, but after realizing that it’s gonna take me at least six years to be an MDC-DComm, my first dream came into picture once again. I still believe that Law School is for me, and 2020 will be the year to begin my journey of becoming an Atty. Let’s claim it!


for my colds to go away! I’ve already been drinking plenty of warm water to stop this. I can’t have my nose running on my beach trip this weekend! Fast-forward to Friday, please!


a green long-sleeved turtleneck and black pants. It’s a basic kind of Tuesday.


for the weekend to come soon! I’ll be going to Calaguas and Naga for a beach trip and for my boyfriend’s niece’s birthday. I can’t wait for this quick vacation! Talk about not dealing with numbers for four days.


a gym break. I have to let myself rest and heal because I really want my colds to go away asap. Although I feel sad about skipping the gym for the next days, I have to. 😦


I am sincerely hoping that this wouldn’t be the first and last for 2019. 🙂 Hope you’re doing well! xx

Randomly Today series is inspired by siddarhornton‘s The Sunday Currently.

Seeking Purpose

Lost is an understatement.

2019, so far, is full of realisations. Thankfully, my anxiety has been friendly and I haven’t had any major attack yet, and little by little, I am beginning to figure what I really want, or at least what I want at the moment.

Adulthood is a process I am both lucky and unlucky to go through. At this point, I have made the questions where am I supposed to be? What do I want? Why am I still here? How do I escape? And many more questions that I can’t seem to find the answer. But maybe adulthood isn’t really about finding the answers, rather asking more, until you find it.

To be honest, I can’t feel any fulfillment with what I am doing right now. Maybe it’s too stiff. Maybe it’s not the right place for me. Maybe I’m just not used to it. Maybe I’m just bored. Maybe, maybe… Maybe. It’s a stage full of maybe’s. But this time, I am determined to find the yes or the no to these maybe’s.

I haven’t found my purpose yet, but I know I will. I may not find fulfillment with what I am doing right now, but I won’t stop in seeking things that will make me feel like I did something really worthy, and that I made a good influence.

One day, maybe sooner or maybe later, I’ll share something in this blog, finally saying, “I’ve found it.”