You made me see
A flawless beauty ~
A reason to see the sunshine,
To taste another glass of wine.
Just a few weeks ago, maybe around mid-April until before May ended, I was in a state of not knowing what had been happening with me.
I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do anything, nothing seemed to excite me, I didn’t want to go out with people, I couldn’t laugh with my boyfriend no matter how hard he tried to lift my spirit up, I cried every night with no particular reason while trying my best to not be heard by anyone, and all other things that just made me feel like the best thing to do was just end things.
How do you know
if you are still alright?
If you are still fine,
if you are still on track of your line,
when all you see
and all you feel
is something you cannot understand;
I feel wrong,
maybe sad, or down, or tired,
and I can’t even say why;
It’s like the mystery of a prism,
or the darkness of the shadow —
the questions of light.
The past few weeks had really been a challenge for me. I battled with mild depression due to several circumstances. I wasn’t able to eat right for around two weeks or so and suffered insomnia as well. I kind of lost my normal cheerful self, but I think I did my best in faking my mood. I did my best to keep up though. After a week of drinking glasses of cocktails and beer instead of dealing with the real stuff, I decided to cross out that scene and went to catch-up dates with my friends instead. Indeed, going out in the open helped me recover.
The whole month of May had been a rollercoaster of emotions. It made me realize a lot of things. As I gather every single day of struggle in my memory, I can’t help but be proud of how I am able to smile now… Of how I am able to smile genuinely again. I have never felt this kind of liberation for a long time, and I thank God for unlocking my cages. This time, I’m ready to see the world without anything that’s holding me back. This time, I am ready to take over. This time, I am ready to heal.
That’s why I’m launching my first project for 2016: #100HappyThings. I guess I’ll be doing this as part of my own healing process. The moment I reach the 100th Happy Thing, I know I will already be a better, stronger and wiser person than who I am now.