A Year from the Possible “Impossible Dream”

This afternoon, my boyfriend and I were talking about this part-time job I’m interested in taking. I see it as an opportunity for growth, considering that I am planning a career that deals with facing a lot of people. I said that if I engage in this part-time job now, I would have a readily available fallback in case it would already be necessary for me to drop my full time job for law school, let’s say, when I’m already preparing for the bar exam.

Everything was so easy to say but then it suddenly hit me when he asked, “Kaya mo ba pagsabayin yan lahat? Work, school, part-time?” (Can you handle everything simultaneously?)

I remembered my Mom juggling full time work as a high school teacher, part-time college professor in two universities, and studying her masters degree full time while still being a mom and a wife. So I said, if she can, then I can, too.

It brought me to googling articles and forums that talked about law school and working full time, eventually leading me to this blog post: A Full-Time Working, Full-Load Law Student.

Now I say that I am finally ready to face everything. I am now ready to sacrifice time and money for this lifelong dream. If others can, why can’t I?

This probably means less travels, compromise in relationships and social life, ultimate maximization of resources and exceptional time management and prioritization skills. Imagining the demands of full and part time work plus how law school can be such a jealous paramour, it would probably cost me a lot. But like it’s been said many times, in the end, it will all be worth it.

I will probably let go of promotions that may come along the way, because higher post means more responsibilities, and I can’t afford that while studying for my Juris Doctor degree. But for the sake of the A-T-T-Y before my name after a few years of risk and sacrifice, I will take the courage of saying “No.”

Next year, hopefully, I’m already getting myself ready for this chapter – a whole new challenge to overcome. For now, I think I should probably take all the sleeps that I can get and load all the Netflix shows that I can binge watch. It won’t be too long until I become a zombie.

The Worst Separation Anxiety

The Worst Separation Anxiety | Claudine Faylogna

#100HappyThings Project

The past few weeks had really been a challenge for me. I battled with mild depression due to several circumstances. I wasn’t able to eat right for around two weeks or so and suffered insomnia as well. I kind of lost my normal cheerful self, but I think I did my best in faking my mood. I did my best to keep up though. After a week of drinking glasses of cocktails and beer instead of dealing with the real stuff, I decided to cross out that scene and went to catch-up dates with my friends instead. Indeed, going out in the open helped me recover.

The whole month of May had been a rollercoaster of emotions. It made me realize a lot of things. As I gather every single day of struggle in my memory, I can’t help but be proud of how I am able to smile now… Of how I am able to smile genuinely again. I have never felt this kind of liberation for a long time, and I thank God for unlocking my cages. This time, I’m ready to see the world without anything that’s holding me back. This time, I am ready to take over. This time, I am ready to heal.

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That’s why I’m launching my first project for 2016: #100HappyThings. I guess I’ll be doing this as part of my own healing process. The moment I reach the 100th Happy Thing, I know I will already be a better, stronger and wiser person than who I am now.

It’s time.

“But here’s the deal, sweet stranger. You deserve to be the protagonist of your own wonderful, bizarre, terrifying little life. If you decide you are enough, you are enough. You don’t need to wait for some grand external validation of your worth before you offer your kindest heart to yourself.”

(Kathy Brown,A Letter To The Woman Who Won’t Buy Herself Flowers)