Minimizing the Casualties

Since grade school, I have always loved reading. My Mom even reached a point wherein she had to control my addiction to novels. Yes, I reached that point. It’s weird and geeky and nerdy but I guess nothing’s wrong with being too obsessed over novels so I’d say that it’s fun to be weird and geeky and nerdy.

I had been a fan of Nicholas Sparks since sixth grade upon reading (and watching) ‘A Walk to Remember’. That book was the first romantic novel I have ever read and it was really just bittersweet. I burst into tears when I came into this line as I had pictured out a scene in my head: It was, I remembered thinking, the most difficult walk anyone ever had to make. In every way, a walk to remember.

And I would never get tired of saying [and explaining] how I would’ve wanted that scene to be shown because the movie made it so easy for Jamie to walk down the aisle. MAN, JAIMIE WAS ON HER WHEELCHAIR THAT DAY AND SHE STRUGGLED TO STAND UP ON HER FEET AND WALK TOWARDS LANDON AT THE ALTAR. THAT SCENE SHOULD’VE BEEN MORE DRAMATIC!!!

But anyway… It’s done. The movie went pretty well and amazing and of course, heartbreaking, except for that scene.

Though I have watched more and more tragic love stories, ‘A Walk to Remember’ remained to be solely number one on my list. The movie, too, stayed as my favorite tragic love story. It’s the book that I have read for around four or five times now, and the movie I have watched for a number I cannot remember. I could even recite majority of their lines. I might annoy you if you get to watch it with me.

Not until I have read John Green‘s ‘The Fault in our Stars’. The story had my heart shattered into tiny pieces and it took me a long time to get over the story. When John Green announced that it’s going to hit the big screen, I got so psyched and promised myself that I’m going to watch it during the premiere week. And yes, I didn’t break that promise to myself. Now, AWTR and TFIOS are on the same spot, both the book and the movie.

I went out the cinema with tears in my eyes and pain in my chest, though not as much as what I have felt while reading the book; but man, the movie really just killed me. And yes, I have watched it again [and again, and again] even though it’s actually emotional suicide.

I'm a grenade
Source: Google

I can’t help but relate myself with Hazel Grace Lancaster when she told Augustus Waters that she’s a grenade, and I quote:


Gus, I’m a grenade. One day, I’m going to blow up, and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And I don’t want to hurt you.


I’m a grenade and at some point I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?

Not in a way that I’m ill and I’m going to die anytime soon, because NO, I believe that I’ve got a long life to reach my goals, explore the world and make my dreams come true. But I’m a grenade. I could hurt people anytime because I have the tendency to NOT understand myself and then MESS things up. I hurt people even if I do not intend to because I’m afraid to be the one who’s going to feel deeper pain afterwards. I know I’m strong enough to handle it but hey, even the strongest people get their knees weak from time to time.

But what’s not to hope?

All your efforts to keep me from you are gonna fail.
Source: Google

I believe that GOD has made my own Augustus Waters out there. Maybe not in the same manner as what Gus had been to Hazel, but for at least making the effort to break the walls I had built around me. Gus is real.

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.
Source: Google

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity.

And there’s going to be that infinity. And it’s not going to be little, it’s going to be BIG. It’s going to be that bigger infinity in “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

But for now, I’m trying my best in minimizing the casualties. I don’t want to be one of them, and I don’t want to be the cause for someone to be one of them.