Today marks the 45th day since Metro Manila was put into community quarantine as a means to stop the spread of COVID-19. The farthest I’ve gone was at the end of our street to get deliveries because riders are not allowed to go beyond the checkpoint.
I’ve taken my best step to keep things going. I try to stick with my workout and yoga meditation routine, finish the last few requirements of my postgraduate studies (last two papers!) and enrolled to some free online classes and webinars. I’ve also been busy finishing a book and watching some series on Netflix.
As much as I try to get my mind off of things, I still find it hard to sleep at night. You see, we never know when this will end. When will everything go back to normal? It’s all but a question, because this is something that no one knows. No timeline, no predictions, nothing – just hoping that everything will be alright. And although we have an idea of how, one question still remains unanswered: when?
To be honest, I’m really finding it hard to cope right now. My daily distractions being gone all of a sudden is like a forced isolation from the world. I am thankful that I am with my family, but I can’t help but worry about my grandparents who are not with us right now. I also worry about Errol who’s on his own at his apartment. I worry about my 2020 timeline not going the way I hoped it for. I worry about a lot of things, and I even worry for things I don’t know about. There are times that I could hardly breathe when I let my mind wander. Oh god, the travel cancellations are frustrating, too.
On a positive note, I was able to feel good when I took part in organizing our batch’s donation drive for the people in the front lines. Deliveries to our beneficiary hospitals are ongoing, and our hearts (Manila Science High School batch 2009) are full because of the kindness and generosity of the people who donated. We only planned to donate to Philippine General Hospital (PGH), but after just a few days, we were able to cover more than ten hospitals.
Late last year, I passed the Philippine Law School Admission Test (PhiLSAT). I was supposed to settle some law school entrance exams from March to June (most of my target schools start the year around July or August), but since COVID-19 happened, I still need to put up with the anxiety of what will happen next.
If I will let the optimist in me run, I should be thankful because I’ll have more time to prepare for the exams and interviews. But I don’t feel much of that right now. I don’t even know how’s it going to be if the extended community quarantine won’t end by May 15 (which is the most probable thing that will happen). Hopefully, though, sooner or later, I’ll be able to land a spot on a law school that will be my institution for the next five to six years as I fulfill my dreams. Pasasaan ba, ako’y magiging abogada ngayong dekada.
As I’ve mentioned awhile ago, I’m already down to the last few requirements of my postgraduate degree in UP Open University. Graduation rites are temporarily postponed, but I’m going to wait patiently until they announce the date that I’ll finally be wearing my sablay. Being a distance learning student really taught me a lot, and I’m glad that after three years, I am finally here. I am one year late, but it’s not always about the timeline, is it?
After this day, we’re going to still keep on counting until we see the busy streets and strangers again. I can’t wait to see my Nang and Tang and hug them again. I can’t wait to kiss Errol and annoy him big time once again. But accept the new normal, that’s what they say. For now, I’ll do my best to devote into self-care. I’m not sure if this post did anything good to you (thank you for reading, by the way), but I hope, in one way or another, this gave you a quick time to reflect. This whole deal with anxiety is harder than ever, but I’ll get there — we’ll get there.