Lost is an understatement.
2019, so far, is full of realisations. Thankfully, my anxiety has been friendly and I haven’t had any major attack yet, and little by little, I am beginning to figure what I really want, or at least what I want at the moment.
Adulthood is a process I am both lucky and unlucky to go through. At this point, I have made the questions where am I supposed to be? What do I want? Why am I still here? How do I escape? And many more questions that I can’t seem to find the answer. But maybe adulthood isn’t really about finding the answers, rather asking more, until you find it.
To be honest, I can’t feel any fulfillment with what I am doing right now. Maybe it’s too stiff. Maybe it’s not the right place for me. Maybe I’m just not used to it. Maybe I’m just bored. Maybe, maybe… Maybe. It’s a stage full of maybe’s. But this time, I am determined to find the yes or the no to these maybe’s.
I haven’t found my purpose yet, but I know I will. I may not find fulfillment with what I am doing right now, but I won’t stop in seeking things that will make me feel like I did something really worthy, and that I made a good influence.
One day, maybe sooner or maybe later, I’ll share something in this blog, finally saying, “I’ve found it.”