Sometimes it’s torture when you have a mind that thinks.
My life would’ve been easier if I am someone who just says yes every time. It would’ve been a less complicated one if all I did was follow and never asked. But it’s different with me. I say no. I always ask.
I keep on thinking if there’s something wrong about that. Is it wrong if I have my own opinion? I thought we’re entitled to that. Is it wrong if I speak out? I thought we all have the right to be heard. Is it wrong to have a different perspective? I thought we were given our free will.
I’m not saying that I’m right, but I’m not saying that I’m wrong. I want to prove something – no, a lot of things actually, but I want to make mistakes, too. Mistakes that would teach me real lessons because I’ve paid for the consequences of my decisions. Mistakes that would strengthen me and make me rise again. Mistakes that would give me a huge face palm saying, “You should’ve listened to them.” Mistakes that would bring me to where I am supposed to be.
They say you should follow your heart, but how wrong can you get when you follow it? They say you should use your mind, but how sure are you that what your mind says is right?
I have a mind that questions a lot of things. A mind that questions my own actions. A mind that questions every single thing that comes across. A mind that questions even the people who taught me what I should believe in. If that’s a bad thing, I honestly don’t know what’s right.
Oh dear, see what 2AM thoughts I have?
Please guide me, G. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes and that I will still be doing more. I have hurt you and I will still hurt you more. But I know You will never abandon me, because You know how much I love You, and You know how much I want to do things for Your greater glory.