Enraptured Reality

Phantasm. Bewilderment. Clairvoyance.

Regrets

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I don’t agree with the saying, “Regret nothing, because at one point, that was exactly what you wanted.”

No. I really don’t think so. Sometimes, you just didn’t have a choice. Or maybe you had a choice, but you opted to stick with what you thought was best at that very moment, only to find out later on that you made a huge mistake. No matter how far you’ve gone from the past, there will come a time that you will revisit the Memory Lane and reexamine what your life had been, and what your life has become.

There was a phase in my life that I personally consider the worst. I was too reckless… I didn’t think that I was driving too fast, making several wrong turns and beating several signs. I turned left when the sign said, “Keep Right.” I crossed the intersection even when I saw a Red Light… Until I reached a dead end. There’s no one to blame but me. I made stupid decisions, thought it was love when it was not… It brought the worst in me. It made me put someone else’s selfish needs first before my real priorities. It made me recalculate my values, made me think that I was too stiff because of the norms and all that… It tried to change me…

It isn’t love if it makes you someone you wouldn’t want others to know about. That’s what almost happened. And I’m glad I’m really out of it now. To confess, I had been in a relationship where I, as a woman, wasn’t allowed to rant about the little things that annoy me just for the sake of spilling it, but was required to listen to my partner’s complaints during the day. I wasn’t allowed to be myself, but I was required to understand that he is who he is. Worse, I felt like I was worthless because he has never been open that he has me. I was never introduced to his family and friends. I was kept. I wasn’t allowed to tell people about us. At first I thought it was good because it screamed privacy, but no. It screeched secrets. Gray shades. It was so stupid for me to allow someone to treat me like that. I knew I deserve better… That’s when I restarted my engine, turned the wheels, and fought my way back to the start. I regret everything that had ever happened in that chapter of my life, and if I could just delete that part in my book, I would.

I didn’t want to make this post at first, because it’s as if I’m badmouthing my past who, for some time, made me happy (or was I?), but I really just want to let it out for somebody‘s (somebody-that-I-used-to-know) been bugging the hell out of me, because apparently there are people who would leave you hanging and when you’re finally doing BETTER with your life without them, they would come back as if nothing happened, as if you couldn’t live without them, trying to destroy your own State of Grace. Yes, past is past, but there’s something inside me that says I have to write my heart out, not for my past self, but for my present and future self – to remind me that I shouldn’t let it happen again. Ever. And at the same time, to remind those who would be reading this to NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS because we all deserve a LOVE that brings out the BEST in us.

Hell yeah I’ve learned, man. I would never let anyone treat me as if I’m a piece of sh*t, like what you did. Thank you for making me feel how great of a love I deserve.

I deserve someone who loves me for who I was, who I am, and who I will be… Someone who appreciates me, someone who sees me as treasure. I deserve someone who’s proud to have me, someone who thinks that I am the best thing that ever happened to him. I deserve someone who puts me first, someone who’s constantly reassuring me that he will be there no matter what, and proves it. I deserve someone who isn’t intimadated by my dreams, rather considers me as an inspiration to reach his own goals, because that’s what he does to me. I deserve someone who listens. I deserve someone who talks about us, not himself alone. I deserve someone who fights for me, someone who chooses me despite the uncertain battle. I deserve someone who dreams, plans and sees the future with me. I deserve a love that’s just wonderful crazy… A love where I can be myself… And so do you. Once you find it, or once it finds you, NEVER EVER LET IT GO. The right person may not always come at the right place or at the right time, but eventually, everything will fall into place.

As the saying goes, “There are too many mediocre things in life, and love shouldn’t be one of them.” Cheers to the better persons we will be, in the name of love. πŸ™‚

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Author: Claudine

A music junkie obsessed with coffee, books and writing erratic oeuvres

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