Enraptured Reality

Phantasm. Bewilderment. Clairvoyance.

The Kid Inside

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Every time I get to see old photographs at home, I can’t help but smile. The ecstasy of recalling the feelings behind those shots is just priceless. It’s like I want to go back in time and watch myself as I make that loud carefree laughter. No, not that I want to turn back the time, change things and be a different person – man, even in the least reason, I won’t. What I was and had been through yesterday have so much to do with who I already am now, and I don’t regret a thing. I had been in the light and in the dark, and to sum everything up, my life has been a great one so far. It’s just that there are some so much moments that I want to replay to feel the euphoria all over again.
My first smile? The first word I’ve ever said? My first few steps? The first time I ever called my parents ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’? (Damn, eyes, tears… No.) My parents must’ve smiled widely because of too much excitement. They must’ve asked me to do those things again. I wish I could see the happiness in their eyes during those firsts.
When I entered toddler? Joined kiddie pageants? Sang and danced on stage while looking at Mom and Dad? Had my first graduation speech during preschool? Those moments must’ve made my parents cutely proud. They must’ve clapped with the highest elation and must’ve made every click of the camera count because hey, films are limited back then.
And the list goes on. And on. And on.
I wish I could go back to those moments and see how wonderful (or maybe awful, haha) it was to watch me grow. I wish I could simply just see the whole scene whenever I look at those photos that just make me smile at random times now. I wish I could see my life before my very eyes.
Isn’t it nice to remember? We were all kids once. We were all once free from anxieties and responsibilities of the real world. We were all once just jumping and running and laughing and playing. We were all once those little ones.

I wish I could see how I enjoyed playing in the rain. I wish I could remember how the rain only reminded me of fun outside baths with my playmates instead of random nostalgia while I’m lying on my bed. I wish I could embrace the flood once more and not mind how dirty it was, instead of remembering how many lives had been taken away because of calamities.
I wish I could see how fast (or slow) I ran when I chased my playmates, or how high I jumped. I wish I could hear how loud I cried or how hard I laughed. I wish I could see the light on my face when I was offered a chocolate bar after having tantrums. I wish I could see how amazing it was to grow up.
Life is nothing but a constant reminder that everything around us keeps on changing. Yes, we are and will always be more than the number of years we would ever live, but those numbers just prove that we’re moving from one pace to another every single day. One day we’ll wake up realizing that we have outgrown a lot of our clothes and that our toys no longer suit us anymore. We’re no longer for the balls, but for the world.
Still, we will keep on running and jumping and chasing, but no longer because we’re playing – it’s because we have to. We have to because we’re living the reality. We have to because we are already, er, what is it called? Grown-ups. Gone are the days when balloons are just things that we want to play with; because now, a balloon could be a symbol of what we all want to and have to let go of.
But no matter how old we are, there will always be that kid inside us. The kid inside will never die. Every day we are fighting a battle if we should act right or just act, but still, we’re all nothing but an infant trapped inside this grown-up body, trying to have a tight grip of whatever we could hold on to.
I wish I could just play it all again, but life is and will never be as easy as that, so we all have to live in the moment and make every second count. I think I’ve already said this before, but let me just say it again: today is the youngest we’ll ever be, and the oldest we’ve ever been, better yet make it legendary.
I would like to share this song by Miranda Lambert as I end this post. #feels

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

All Photos from Google
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Author: Clau

A music junkie obsessed with coffee, books, and writing erratic oeuvres

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