I just feel like I have to let it all out.
There are a lot of thinkings I did lately making me realize that I’ve been such a living disaster. Not that I’ve been an accident-magnet or whatsoever, because I am not, but hey, I know I’ve been less of a good girl, far from what most people think I am. I’ve been too locked up in the past, with all my reasons dwelling from yesterday. I know that’s not right, because no matter how I try to move on, I won’t be able to because I’m still not freeing myself from the bad memories of yesterday. And that what makes things uneasy and complicated.
Happiness is a choice, right? If I choose to be happy, then I wouldn’t feel jealousy, envy, hate or anything in between even if it’s part of human nature. If I choose to be happy, then I get to be good. I’ve been through a lot of challenges and breakdowns – family, financial, studies, love life, friendship – I’ve reached way too far to stop, back down and not go for the gold. I’ve let go of too much lacrimal fluid to say “I QUIT.” Why should I, anyway? I’m too much loved – I was just too blinded to see that. Many look up to me and admire me for whatever strength, wit or personality they see. I really treasure that and I deeply value the people who see me as an inspiration.
We’re all kind of a little weird and a little mean, enforcing the “human nature” in us that actually destroys our aim to be better people. The expression “sorry, tao lang” won’t give anyone the urge to get up for self-formation. I know because I’ve been there.
I guess I should learn to accept that things happen because GOD really wants them to happen, for the right reason that will then be revealed at the right time. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but sooner or later, I will understand.
For now, I’m choosing to be HAPPY, and I’m choosing to be FREE. 🙂